Rejoice! The War on Terror is Over!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011 at 12:35AM Despite my fact-based reservations about Osama bin Laden's involvement in 9/11, the announcement of his killing, which also hasn't been very convincing, seems to have convinced the majority of the masses.
So, at least for this we can be thankful! The war on terror, the one that for all intents and purposes destroyed the US, is over! I had initially presumed all those people dancing and jumping around in Washington and New York were celebrating the death of a man being killed. I have to apologize to those people - I thought it was an ugly sight. But now I've realized, they must have been celebrating the end of the War on Terror! For this, I also rejoice!
I can stop carrying my cologne around in a plastic baggy now. I can stop having to take off my shoes, belt, and half my other garments and be patted down or irradiated. No more amber alerts. No more being treated like a criminal. No more Homeland Security Department.
The trillions being spent waging wars around the world will cease! Over a million dead innocents in Iraq already have been killed but, after May 1st, no more will die by the hand, gun or bomb of foreign oppressors!
And because the US will now be pulling out of the Middle East it will mean that no future War on Terror will be necessary because there will be no reason for impoverished Middle Eastern men to hate the US Government.
What a day!
I now will have to reconsider if and when the US dollar will collapse as the more than $1 trillion budget of the US Military can all be rescinded. That money can now be free to be used in the private economy which will create millions of productive jobs.
We may even have to shut down the Dollar Vigilante newsletter as the end of the War on Terror may be enough to usher in a new era of peace, avoiding the previously impending US Government collapse and the collapse of the US dollar as they will not need to continue with Quantitative Easing anymore to pay for the massive deficits brought on by the military industrial complex.
It turns out Ben Bernanke was just trying to hold the fort until they could get bin Laden. Now that they've gotten him he can admit that all that Keynesian hogwash was just a ruse to keep the US Government alive long enough to win the war. That is the stuff of a Congressional medal of honor, Mr. Bernanke! Thank you for your brave service!
Truly, justice was served on May 1st! Sure, it's a new form of American justice... no evidence, no trial, no conviction and a home invasion, "double tap" style mob hit and dump the body in the ocean. But, if that is what it takes to end the War on Terror then so be it.
Even John Kerry, himself, today stated:
"The fight against violence and hatred is over."
So, I have to apologize to all of our subscribers and readers. Our prognostication of the US Government and the US dollar collapsing due mostly in part to the military industrial complex and the War on Terror was incorrect. Thanks to the murder of Osama bin Laden, it all ended on May 1st.
To those who expatriated from the US, we are deeply sorry. We were totally wrong that the US Government would be your biggest threat. It turns out they were fighting on your behalf all along.
I also have to apologize to Barrack Obama... we had him totally wrong. I thought he was a Kenyan, test-tube President who just read propaganda written by his masters off of his teleprompters. With this killing it turns out he is the Prince of Peace and is worthy of his Nobel Peace Prize.
And so, we will be refunding all outstanding subscriptions and wish everyone well in the future! A grand, amazing future full of peace and prosperity! Thank y...
Wait, just one second. I apparently got that quote from John Kerry wrong. This was the real quote:
"The fight against violence and hatred is not over."
Wait, you mean, they won't be shutting down Homeland Security, the Patriot Act, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and Libya and the covert war in Pakistan now that the supposed leader of Al Qaeda is supposedly dead?
Now the fight goes on against... violence?
A Congressional Research report just came out stating the following:
"While a degraded corporate al-Qaeda may be welcome news to many, a trend has emerged over the past few years that some view as more difficult to detect, if not potentially more lethal"
Oh no, now there is something even more lethal than Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden?
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano reported that the terrorist threat was the highest since Sept. 11 because of U.S. residents willing to carry out attacks with “little or no warning"
The more lethal new enemy is US residents?
Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales commented on the bin Laden killing, stating:
"I think the next terrorist attack is going to be conducted by someone who looks like you or me, speaks perfect English, is probably a citizen of the United States or has the capacity to move freely in the United States"
Hoo boy. We better hold off on those refunds.
Reader Comments (4)
Now THAT's sarcasm! :-)
keep on truthin!!!
Mr. Berwick you are the H.L. Mencken of this generation! Thank god for you or I'd feel like I was the only one who noticed all of this!
This is pure genius! I got on to the dollar vigilante because ALL the people at my work subscribe to it! We are all big fans, keep fighting the power Jeff!